Jul 15, 2023 6 min read relationship

The Pink Orgasm Tax: End Orgasm Inequality

During sexual intimacy with a partner, 95% of heterosexual men report usually or always orgasming. For lesbian women, the rates are 86% and for heterosexual women, it is only 65%.

No melons were harmed in the making of this article. Image by Dainis Graveris on pexels.com

Why do hetero women experience significantly fewer orgasms than men?

Have you ever heard of the Pink Orgasm Tax? The inequality of the number of orgasms experienced by women in the bedroom?

In this article, we are going to explore the causes of this orgasm inequality, the statistics, and how we can rectify the problem immediately.

Note: While there are many forms of relationships that are not heterosexual, this article will focus on heterosexual sex between one male partner and one female partner. Some of the advice can still be applied to men, homosexual women, or sexual intimacy, which involves more than two people.

Inequality is not new to women

Ever notice when a company has two versions of a product: a blue one (for men) and a pink one (for women)? Did you pay attention to their prices?

"The Pink Tax" refers to gender-specific pricing on women’s goods. This causes a significant financial burden on women. These small increases in prices add up, making it more expensive to be a woman in a world where women already earn less.

Women ask for raises typically at the same frequency as men, but women are less likely to get them. Women also tend to ask for less when they do negotiate for a pay raise, on average about 30%. Overall, women are not paid as much as men, even if they are working full-time, year around. Full-time working women are still paid 83.7% of what men are paid. Women of color and minority women suffer more significantly from the wage discrepancy.

But that is not the Pink Tax I would like to discuss. I want to talk about a much-more private Pink Tax:

The Pink Orgasm Tax

During sexual intimacy with a partner, 95% of heterosexual men report usually or always orgasming. For lesbian women, the rates are 86% and for heterosexual women, it is only 65%.

Multiple studies show that men are twice as likely to orgasm than women every time they engage in sexual activity with a partner. In many cases, sex ends with the male orgasm.

Women also feel intense pressure to pretend to orgasm. Almost 60% of women admitted to having faked an orgasm. This pressure comes from multiple sources:

Pornography- where the actresses (Yes, they are ACTING) put on ‘big shows’ about feeling immense pleasure from any hint of touching. They have "world-shattering orgasms" over and over, never seeming to tire.
TV/ Media — even PG13-rated movies are guilty of portraying women as getting their own happily-ever-after in the bedroom each time as well. It can feel like a personal failing when it doesn't happen as easily for them. Less than 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone, but this is typically what we see in the media.
Fear of Men’s Egos — since men are seeing these same sources (pornography, TV/Media) they have the same expectations. Many believe that any minor touching of a genital area should produce ear-shattering screams of pleasure. When that doesn’t happen, some men feel like it is a personal attack on their masculinity. Alternatively, they can believe there is something ‘wrong’ with their sexual partner. This can make them withdraw (both emotionally and physically) from their partner, lash out verbally, or even get aggressive. Women have a long history of placating men's egos, in and out of the bedroom.

How can we reduce this Pink Orgasm Tax between men and women?

There are some statistics indicating that there are 12% of women who have never orgasmed. This is unacceptable. However, this does not mean that they can’t. 80–92% of women who have never had an orgasm are able to reach orgasm after clinical treatment.

Get in touch with yourself: The first step to reducing that orgasm inequality is taking the matter into your own hands, literally. Women should take the time to know their bodies and discover how it responds to different sensations. Starting with the basics, women can explore their own bodies with their own hands. Explore the erogenous zones, using different types of touches (from the gentlest of tickles to intense pressure):

Genital region: the most well-known and usually the ultimate source of arousal. For women, this includes the pubic mound, the clitoris, the G-spot (typically found 2–3 inches inside the vagina, laying below the clitoris/ pubic mound), and the anus.
Breast and Nipples
Belly and Abdomen
Inner thighs and Hips
Mouth and Neck
Earlobes
Hands and Feet
Inner arms and Armpits
Behind the Knee
Wrists and Ankles

2. Know your partner: Women in relationships of 6+ months are more than 6 times more likely to orgasm during a sexual encounter than a woman with a first-time hookup. Women who have sex with a hook-up partner for the 4th time are 40% more likely to orgasm than from a first-time hookup. Hooking up 6 or more times doubles the likelihood of orgasm compared to a first-time encounter. This means that having experience with your sexual partner helps to get to know the other sexually and discover their unique pleasure map.

If you are a fan of casual sex or one-night stands, you have to be more in charge of your orgasm. This could mean using your own hands during the encounter, being more verbally instructive to your sexual partner, or using a toy.

3. Communicate with your partner: Although it is a hard conversation to have (pun intended), it is important. The goal of the conversation is not to blame the other person but to have a common goal for both individuals. Choose a moment where you are both calm and not involved in any sexual activity. Open up about your current sexual satisfaction and what ideas you have to improve both your sex lives. Talk about how often you want to have sex and what fantasies you may have. Discuss some of your favorite sexual experiences with that partner and what made them so enjoyable.

4. Add toys: Toys can make it easier for women to reach orgasm and add some novelty in the bedroom. There are a wide variety of toys, from mini vibrators to dildos that include clitoral and anal stimulation. Experiment and find out which ones suit you individually and as a pair. Experiment with toys for him as well, as they may increase your own sexual desire.

5. Explore fantasies and kinks: If you haven’t fully explored this sexual avenue, you may be surprised at your own kinks and fantasies. Fantasies and kinks from very mild to extra spicy. Each person has their own taste preference. Explore role-play and different positions. Think about various taboos and if any of them appeal to you. Speak to your partner about their fantasies and kinks too, as you can find out where you overlap. There are some online quizzes that allow you and your partner to answer anonymously and it only shares your common interests.

6. Push the deadline: Instead of having the man's orgasm be the end of sexual activity, push the boundary. Decide as a couple that the woman should be in charge of the deadline. It could end with her orgasm or when she decides it is enough. Men can still use their hands, mouths, or toys to continue the pleasure, even if he has had enough stimulation personally. Any man that refuses to consider this idea is selfish at best and a terrible partner at worst.

7. Stop faking: While that pressure to fake is still there, it is an important step to stop faking to reach your full pleasure potential. Stop faking the Big O. It is important for your partner to know when they are touching your right spots and what can help you achieve a real orgasm. This doesn’t mean stopping being vocal completely. You can use your enthusiasm as a way of guiding your partner along the right path. Moan more for when it feels good — the louder the moan, the better it feels. Those moans should be genuine, though. Don’t moan if it isn’t quite reaching the right spot.

You can use your enthusiasm as a way of guiding your partner along the right path.

8. Use your mouth: Most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. But women who receive oral during most sexual encounters are 23% more likely to orgasm compared to women who never receive oral. Also, use your mouth to tell a partner when something feels good, “Keep doing that,” “A little higher,” “Faster,” etc.

9. Marijuana Use: Over 70% of both men and women report that their orgasms are more intense when they are under the influence of marijuana. Women who used marijuana before a sexual encounter were over twice as likely to have “satisfactory orgasms” compared to women who didn’t. Even women who are regular users of marijuana are twice as likely to orgasm during sexual activity even if they didn’t consume marijuana before sex, compared to non-users. However, daily use of marijuana in men was associated with reaching orgasms too quickly, too slowly, or not at all compared to non-users. Women who use marijuana weekly have sex 22% more often than non-users. For men, weekly users have sex 7% more often than non-users.

Conclusion

The Pink Orgasm Tax isn’t talked about as much as the price differences of gendered products, but it is just as important. Everyone deserves a happy, satisfied sexual life.

“Just the tips”: